Relapse. Rinse. Repeat.

Friday, March 20th, 2015 | Insights | 4 Comments

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Thursday, August 18th, 2011 | Misc | 3 Comments

 days,  hours,  minutes (~  years or  months or  weeks)

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Oops, I did it again!

Monday, March 16th, 2009 | Misc | 1 Comment

To cut a long story short: A friend of mine and myself went for a drink on Friday, we got pissed pretty hard and at some point I smoked a cigarette. I can only remember that I managed to inhale three times, the rest of the fag just died away chatting. I didn’t like it, and I did not start smoking again, but I promised him to blog about it. Well, yeah, blog about my epic fail! 😉

Guess the 8bit NSDs are another 254 days away… bugger! At least I can be pretty sure not to fall into relapse completely due to the fact that smoking gave me nothing desirable any more. It seems like this was just a glitch…

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NSD7bit: Proud yet undecided (not really)

Sunday, February 8th, 2009 | Misc | No Comments

One wouldn’t hurt, right? Once, sometimes twice a day I still get the itch to smoke. But so far nothing seemed worth giving up my 127 days of absence. I am pretty sure that I’ll make it to the next bit as well.

On the other hand I feel good being a non-smoker. If I just could be strong enough to have a fag every now and then … but I guess we have been through this before! Ahhhh! :mrgreen:

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NSD31: Hulk!

Monday, November 3rd, 2008 | Misc | No Comments

There are almost no occasions anymore that make me want to make a false step. Drinking, after-(fill in your favourite after-reason) or hanging out with friends, no problem any more. But don’t dare to make me angry, when I get upset I still want to have that fag, sucking furiously on it, with the smoke coming out of my ears! :mrgreen:

It’s like a fall-back to primal urges, but as I am a human being this should be no problem for me… sometimes being a “Homo sapiens” (thus self-conscious) sucks!! 😀

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NSD28: 31 – 3 = 28 AKA *you* do the math!

Friday, October 31st, 2008 | Misc | No Comments

I am really drunk tonight but I do not smoke. Big deal, eh? In fact this *is* a big deal, because I am not a physical nicotine addict any more and still refuse to surrender to my mind. I think this really is a big deal… anyway. I am off to bed, after a shitty day and 5 bottles of beer. See you soon… I am still too sober to post my gui blueprint that I did tonight. This is a good thing because there might be kids around reading this… g’night!

Burns: Smithers, I guess there’s nothing left but to kiss my sorry butt goodbye.

Smithers: May I sir?

Burns: Muuuhaaarrr…


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NSD19: Still WTF – or even more?

Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008 | Misc | No Comments

19 days … now I have the feeling that I managed to quit smoking. Why is my brain telling me to smoke then? Fuck, I am sitting in a comfy chair in front of my computer, having a drink but something is missing. The oh so familiar fag … I recently read about what nicotine does to you (in the sense of effects on the brain). It tricks you into feeling good:

Nicotine interferes with the reward pathways in your brain. Every time you smoke, nicotine stimulates your neurons to release dopamine, the neurotramsmitter that makes you feel good, while also releasing glutamate, the neurotransmitter connected to your memory. So not only does nicotine make you feel good, it creates a map in your brain linking that good feeling back to a cigarette.

Bloody hell, nobody told me *that* when I was young (and dumb). Not today, not today.

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Monday, October 20th, 2008 | Misc | 1 Comment

For no reason I am really struggling tonight. I WANT TO SMOKE… g, this puts me in a bad temper… but I won’t be subdued. Still, it sucks to not do something you really want – even if you are an adult (as in “I am an adult, therefore I drink Coke late at night”) 😉

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NSD16: Getting used to it

Sunday, October 19th, 2008 | Misc | No Comments

Just wanted to make sure, that even I didn’t write about my absence any more I am still smoke free. It’s okay and not very hard to stay away any more, even though every now and than I get an itch for a smoke, but that’s so minor and controllable it’s nothing really to mention. Seems I am pretty much over it.

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NSD6: Gnosis

Thursday, October 9th, 2008 | Misc | No Comments

There are two kinds of drugs. One kind makes you feel bad if you take it, the other kind makes you feel bad if you don’t take it. It doesn’t really depend on the drug, just whether it’s a habit (addiction) or some random fooling around. Please be aware that both kinds make you feel bad. 😉

As a habit, a drug doesn’t affect a regular user. If you stop taking it, you feel bad. (My case considering nicotine)
As an occasionally user you are affected. If you stop taking it, you feel good again. (My case considering alcohol)

Bottom line: Wow, that’s news! 😀 Sometimes you have to remind yourself of obvious things. Basically it is nonsense to do drugs to feel normal (which is an addiction). Another reason for me to quit smoking. If you do a drug every now an then, that may be okay. This is not to be mistaken as a general rule. And should not be applied to drugs you ever were addicted to. Having a fag after a few weeks of abstinence might bring you back from where you started. Ughh!

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