Nick Prosch online

“Hey, that was a great movie, let’s remake it!”

Friday, July 24th, 2009 | Movies, Reviews | No Comments

I already complained about Hollywood Remakes in recent posts. Today my wife asked me, whether I already knew that “A Tale of Two Sisters” also was remade. Funny thing is, that I was going to watch the film quite soon anyway.

She gave me an interesting link that lists all the blockbuster remakes of Asian cinema since 1980. See for yourself if you have been fooled by a rip off of an Asian original. (Okay, sometimes the remake is better than the original, the exception proves the rule.) @see Remakes of Asian Movies

Tags: asian, horror, remake

Review: Friday the 13th (2009)

Friday, February 13th, 2009 | Movies, Reviews | 1 Comment

I am seriously annoyed. This film was so bad I almost feel bad wasting my time blogging about it. It was worse than Death Race, imagine that! I spent 9 bucks, just to sit next to a smelly Goth guy (not just patchouli – to each his own – I am talking about day old sweat!), 5 foot short but wearing a leather jacket, tough guy! For fuck’s sake, my living room provides me with a crispier image, better sound, a comfy couch and no one gets on my nerves (or senses, talking about the smell). I am really sick of going to the movies, sharing a room with all these imbeciles and morons.

Back to the film. I didn’t expect much. In fact I expected another remake, as they are so common nowadays. But what I got was just another sequel, Friday the 13th Part XXX (yep, there are more tits in here than usually, fake though). Not endorsing the title with a “Part foobar” is nothing short of being a scam IMHO!

Fuck, this movie is so bad it makes me sick. Just take a couple of teenagers, throw them into the woods and wait for every single one to get chopped into pieces. The death scenes are not even remotely well done (even House of Wax‘s were better!), there is no such thing as tension, the flick rather is a comedy – there is slapstick in here, come on, I wanted to be reminded of the 80s horror’s genre, for fuck’s sake!

Sorry for swearing, but I am happy that I can write like this in my own blog – no censorship here… and this piece of crap doesn’t deserve anything less explicit.

1.0/10 – Keep as far away as you can from this bloody piece o’shit rip off sequel bullshit!!

Tags: comedy, remake, rip off, scam, sequel

Review: The Haunting (1963)

Tuesday, December 16th, 2008 | Movies, Reviews | No Comments

This is one of the rare gems that you have to stumble upon by chance. Even though this is a classic, I don’t know a lot of people who still bother to watch old movies. Years ago I was zapping and stopped at a non-private channel, seeing this movie for the first time (same for Carnival of Souls (1962)).

First I was hoping for an old school mystery thing, but at the end I was really frightened. Eleanor’s arising insanity is very well portrayed by Julie Harris – still an active actress today.

Don’t bother going for the 1999′s remake, even though Catherine Zeta-Jones is starring as the lusty Theo – it’s a pity Famke Janssen was doing the remake of House on Haunted Hill at the same time (original from 1959 starring Vincent Price), she would’ve been the perfect cast. Sorry, I am drifting off…

Open your mind and give this one a try and see for yourself how an eerie atmosphere is created without any modern technical fuzz.

8.5/10 – not cheesy, not boring – sheer terror awaits at hill house!

Tags: classic, hill house, horror, remake, terror

Review: Red (2008)

Saturday, November 1st, 2008 | Movies, Reviews | No Comments

I don’t want to spoil the movie by telling you too much of what is happening, just this much: it’s about revenge.

The ” ‘n revenge” genre is to be handled with care, sometimes it produces really gross movies (I spit on your grave, Last House on the Left * or Straightheads, anybody?!). This movie is different and tries a smart approach, the avenger tricks the offenders into exposing themselves in general public.

A nice movie, worth watching if you don’t get upset easily by lies, deceit and injustice. (If you don’t, try Ondskan AKA Evil – one of my all time favourites)

7.5/10

* Writing this I saw that a remake of “Last House…” is being done right now… when will this ever end!?

Tags: remake, revenge

Review: Death Race (2008)

Sunday, October 19th, 2008 | Movies, Reviews | 1 Comment

OMG! WTF? This is the most dimwitted Hollywood flick I’ve seen lately. This is the living proof that well known actors and a high budget have absolutely nothing to do with the result. I expected something like The Running Man mixed with The Fast and the Furious – so my expectations weren’t very high

What I got was even worse – a not so present storyline accompanied by a constant “So what?” feeling and a few absolutely unnecessary “Finish Him”-scenes (come on, the 80s are OVER and violence alone can’t save a movie from being bullshit!) made me fall asleep half way trough.

2.0/10

Tags: jason statham, remake

Review: [•REC] (2007)

Saturday, September 20th, 2008 | Movies, Reviews | 2 Comments

Oh no, not again, not another Blair witch look-alike… the last (failed) instalment being the over-hyped Cloverfield (good adds, though), I gave this little Spanish movie a try. Thank god I did! These guys were so smart to send in a ‘pro’ film team with a decent camera (optical image stabilization, yeeeha!), not just your average teen with a camcorder. Watching Cloverfield at the theatre I really thought I had to throw up or leave, apart from the non-present story, just from the constant shaking.

Okay, back to my review: we are shadowing a team that is doing a documentary at your local fire station. Another night without much happening… until the alarm bell rings. Someone called to report a neighbour freaking out. The firemen go out to check up on that. On the premises they find a deranged old woman. This is when things are getting out of control…

Well, I really enjoyed this flick. The tension is rising constantly to a quite frightening climax. A lot of horror movies are more like fun than terror, this one being one of the rare latter. Highly recommended for fans of the genre, or people who were disappointed by one of the numerous bad examples that are out there.

One more thing: the fricking Americans are doing it again! Instead of honouring the original they are doing a Hollywood re-enactment (Quarantine). I absolutely hate that – even though there are some remakes that are good. I also like Asian cinema a lot, which is being constantly abused by Hollywood, eg. Ju On (The Grudge), Ringu (The Ring), Oldboy (announced), Infernal Affairs (The Departed), Dark Water (Dark Water), Shutter (Shutter) or The Eye (The Eye) just to name a few common titles. Please make sure you are trying to get hold of the originals. Cheers!

8.0/10

Tags: horror, remake, terror